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Wonder
09:14 Jan 31 2010
Times Read: 627

I sit here pondering, after reading house forum posts about breeding, why it may be, that I tend to flirt only with unavailable people?



Is it that I prefer not to be involved?



Probably.



I once had a girl tell me that "flirting is the art of making someone feel good about themselves," This, after I said that I don't flirt. Of course she was married. In a way, I wonder if that is a very true definition of flirting, or if it is just being social.



Maybe, I do only flirt with unavailable women... one rarely talks to a guy in this manner. "You look fantastic... whispered in their ear on a loud dancefloor..."



yup... sounds like flirting.



I'd never utter that to my male friends... more like... where'd you get the jacket? or some other not compliment, which is, in effect.



Why then is it natural to flirt with people I am not really interested in...



How much do I not really care about being in a relationship[?



Why do I question my motivation for not being in one... do people who grasp on to the next relationship before fully lettting go of the last one (like a monkey brachiating) question their psychology?



Maybe I am overthinking it all... and what is natural for me is natural for me, and a person who does not question their sanity or motivations occasionally, are really th efucked up ones.



I'm not even drunk... I don'r knwo why the hell I am posting this crap...



drivel...



If I ever write a book... that is what I will name it. It will be filled with shit like this...



or...

maybe...



it will turn out like "Lolita."



*laughs*

Yay me.
04:28 Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 648

I reached 2.5% bonus with my profile rating last night... I can now die happy.



What is really odd, is how shitty my profile is...



I've been trying to find a disposable credit card large enough for me to buy a lifetime PM... no luck... it would be easier if I just got a money order... I think.



When I get teh premium account back again... I can do all teh nifty things I want to do... like fix the broken links... update stuff that has happened in the last year... maybe fix my music list up a bit... and other crap that is half assed done.

Packing it in.
04:10 Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 656

Wow... reminds me of a story.



I usually travel with a small carry on. It holds 7 @ shirts, slacks, undies; as well as 2 small zippered nylon duffels (for mardi gras beads or presents ;) and a brick of laundry powder (so I can travel for two weeks). Everything is rolled and ziplock-baggied incase of weather trouble, and to put dirty laundry in. I have a light pair of sandals that clip to the outside (especially nice for on the plane.)



I buy a bottle of shampoo at my destination and use it as hair and body wash, as well as a toothbrush/paste kit. That's it...



To the plane I wear my shoes, heaviest pants, shirt and usually my cape which doubles as a blanket, especially handy if sleeping under a bridge, and on the plane.



When I travel I usually wear my oldest undies and socks and discard them, so I can carry back more mardi gras beads. *laughs*

******



I remember going to India in 1991.

I had a large suitcase with wheels (this is pre rolling extendable handle days) and the slightly smaller suitcase that fit inside, as well as the carry on that fit inside that that had a shoulder strap.



I was traveling from Haifa, Israel, to New Delhi, India, via Cairo, and Bombay. The large suitcase was filled with books (it had wheels... those tiny little airport wheels, and a pull strap,) I think it was around 25 kilos. Logical thinking, eh?



In the smaller suitcase, I had most of my clothes, and the canisters of primer that I was smuggling.



The carry on had the usual spare clothes and daily need things, like 4 books, shampoo, razors, and other things that would be banned in flight nowadays.



I began to reconsider how brilliant my packing was on the 18 hour bus trip from Haifa to Cairo, specially at the border when they asked me why I was bringing primer into Egypt from Israel (it wasn't THAT kind of primer...); and again when I transferred hotels in Cairo... (I nearly wound up sleeping in the necropolis)



It wasn't until I reached Bombay ...how totally idiotic my packing was. You "could" call them sidewalks... the airport wheels lasted less than a block. Fortunately I only had about 12 to go to get from the first boarding house (which was full) to the Salvation Army hostel.



I immediately took out half of my clothing, and all the books that I had already read that were replaceable, and gave them to my roommates. *laughs* Some of the clothes I gave away... I wish I hadn't, it might not seam like India gets cold... but after you acclimatize, you wish you had that heavier shirt in December.



The train ride from Bombay to New Delhi was largely uneventful, except for the minor problem of not having enough legal currency. Apparently there are some things you can't use black market exchange rates for... like airplanes, trains, and better hotel rooms. I had to travel second class, no first class sleeper for this maharaja.



Anyway... I guess that is my relevant packing story.

Subconcious wit.
16:52 Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 673

My subconscious amused me today.



Among other things, I dreamed I was in a religious institution, the kind where they have books in front of where you sit. To amuse myself, I pull out a book, that is bound the same as all the others. Inside the binding it is actually a collection of "my own" scripture in the familiar red paperback. What amused me, as I flip past the titles, is the last volume... it is a personal grooming kit. *laughs*



It occurs to me that reading spiritual texts is like personal grooming. You may have read them all cover to cover a couple of times... but you still have to attend to it regularly... the difference between remembering what it is like to be clean, and being groomed.



I wish I could remember more of this dream. There is a newly reoccurring house... with a very long basement that spans the length of the yard and comes up in some sort of a shed (varies) which seams several normal sized lots away, but the intervening space is uncultivated field.



At one point I was in a circle of ticket kiosks. A ceremony was starting (I think) and metal gates were slamming down in a circle to keep me from getting to the other side.

The girl who I'd met, who had taken me to the circus/church as it was not only her religion, but her father was the owner of this particular production, was on the other side doing something about the administrative function... but I had to view the sermon/trapeze act (at which point I discovered the books as earlier described.)



*Generally I associate flying with ability to overcome adversity. Flying with a trapeze is a good metaphore for ritual. Being traped in an airport is usually feeling like you cannot overcome your difficulties.*



After the performance, I see a man jump from a high ledge to the padding below the trapeze, something they had to do. Someone near me says I don't see why they had delay us to go do that. I said, there is a differnce between here and there.



Later in the dream, I was in my house, which was not far from the church, and may have been ancillary to it, as I think it was somehow rented to me by this church (although the house is mine by inheritance usually), and a security guard (or perhaps he is the man who jumped) asks me some questions through the window, likely because I am dating the girl, and because I am some sort of important security agent (CIA or something) ... amazing how rumours go... It must have been a misinterpretation of the sequence when I met the girl (which I don't remember) when I first spoke to her, walking past the same garden window



Anyway, I tell him I am not sure of the relationship I have with this girl, I had not seen her (since the kiosk incident), and that I am not CIA. I say if he is interested in the girl/religion/personal advancement... that he should go to the girl, (as that is obviously what he was doing anyway... getting permission from me to speak to her) and that nothing would make me happier to see them both happy.



Wakeful, I think, is this not part of my problem... am I too complacent to see people happy to tell people what I would prefer? Do people wish sometimes an argument to prove that you prefer to be with them? Could I have saved some relationships by fighting for them... is "if you love someone, let them go" only told to people who are clinging to something that will not happen?



I prefer to think that it is good relationship advice to accept people for who they are, to love them for who they are, to not be so attached to them that you can still love them regardless if they do something which you do not prefer. ...like being away from you.



Obviously this is not good relationship advice, for today’s day and age; people are not mature enough to love without reassurance.



I wish I could remember more details... I think there is much I could have learned freom what I cannot remember. And I remember nothing of the girl, so she was likely not a real person I have a connection with.



I just can't get over my subconscious telling me that I need to read more scripture by having a manicure kit inside a prayer book.



*laughs*



What a sese of humour my subconcious has... I laughed out loud when I was trying to remember bits of the dream.



I certainly woke up this morning wanting to connect with my future me... as per my post to lovise.